The J-daddy, E-mommy & the (unbelievably) cute boy

PICTURE DUMP!

Meet Luke.

Luke doesn’t distinguish between “foods” and “Non-foods.” It’s all fit to chew and drool on.

Luke’s favorite activity involves hanging with dad, and his BFF Mr. Buzzle.

And smiling for mommy when harrassed.

Occasionally Luke likes to get dressed up, comb his hair back…

… but just ends up looking like Dennis the Menace. Thanks for the cowlick, dad. Just what I wanted to inherit.

Excuse me while I talk about something other than my kid for a moment.

As you may have heard … A female columnist for a paper in upstate New York wrote a column last week chiding BIlls fans for being too excited for their 2-0 start. Of course, the Bills went on to SCORE A THRILLING VICTORY over the New England Patriots.

I am in no way surprised commenters couldn’t wait to rub her face in it. I’m not surprised by the language they used or the casual to extreme sexism, again, all par for the course.

What disturbs me is how damn creative they were in their responses. When you see internet vitriol you dismiss it as the work of the mentally depraved and unintelligent. When you say, “I can’t stand people who don’t know the difference between their and there and they’re, or your and you’re,” you’re talking about internet commenters. 

From the follow up column:

Why would it make sense to introduce your kids to sports? Why would they want to play a team game, make friends and build long-term relationships with kids their own age? Probably because their mother had no friends, never was popular in high school. … Your square jaw and pig shaped nose reminds me of a girl who never got to hang out with the athletes in high school because she had snot running down the Crevices of her nostrils spilling down to the corner of her lip. I see a grown woman who had an unfortunate childhood and will probably recreate that unfortunate experience for her piano playing future obese band geek twins. Hopefully you’ll think twice next time about f****** around with my bills

As Will Farrell would say, I’m not even mad, I’m impressed. You really put some thought into that, Mr. Anonymous Internet Commenter. He didn’t even resort to random capitalization or excessive exclamation points. Bonus to him (sorry, assuming) for knowing she has twins. Adding her personal history, a nice touch. 

She also gets her fair share of “women don’t know anything about football” and “stay in the kitchen.” I’ve gotten those too, in online chats, and honestly they don’t bother me and make me laugh. I’ve always thought there’s nothing worse than being unoriginal. 

Being hateful and original though? It makes me scared there are people like that out there.

I have held in approximately 492 sneezes since Luke was born as LOUD NOISES will wake him up in many cases or startle him (Save your “He has to learn to sleep through noise, noise. Not interested). So does this mean one night I’ll have held in one too many sneezes and my head will implode? 

This is a serious question. It feels like this is going to come back to bite me one day.

Post-script: Luke, meanwhile, has sneezed in my face at least 493 times. Fact of life: baby sneezes > adult sneezes. 

The kid actually has fat folds on his wrist. WRIST FAT FOLDS: Unexpected cuteness.

The best thing ever.

OK so this isn’t a face, but it’s an awful cute behind. On Luke too.

Sorry it’s been so long since I posted but blah blah work blah blah trip to NJ blah blah cold. Blah.

I present you this video as an apology. Note: Those are SIX MONTH JAMMIES on my 2.5 month old boy. Hold me.

Hey, so, mom-dukes, whatchu got me wearing today?

I don’t find this funny mama. You know these pants make my butt look big.

You’re hilarious. How about some clothes that fit?

You cannot win me over with pizza. I’m not daddy.

Just kidding! I love pizza!

Yes folks, this is what it has come to. Giving a fake voice to my son, huddled in my dark bedroom at 8:31 on a Friday night. One minute past my bedtime. It’s my new life. 

But that smile… it’s the best.